and other life hacks for the end times — I wish we could screenshare right now, because I’m experiencing an iconic Canadian moment. Specifically, I’m eating some chicken wings that flew up to Roxham Road to claim refugee status — but were refused asylum, then referred to me. These delicate situations don’t just work themselves out, right? They take…

The reason Michael Knowles claims he is not calling for genocide is that he doesn't believe that transgender persons exist. In his own words: “There can’t be a genocide...it’s not a legitimate category of being. They’re labouring under a delusion. And so we need to correct that delusion”. If the…

Better luck this time. It has come to my attention that a huge proportion of the adult population is dissatisfied with the crappy, inadequate personalities they were born with, and desperately seek to, as it were, upgrade their software to something with more pizza. Or is that “pizzazz”, I get…

Working like a Trojan — I wonder, does that mean a soldier from ancient Troy? With the horse? Or the prophylactic? I can never decide — pulling together the latest collection of my writing, and even though it’s really a simple task of deciding on my best, funniest material, do…

PLUS: #MondayManCrush year-end special It’s the most wonderful time of year, and I want to make extra sure I’ve addressed everyone’s concerns, neuroses and conspiracy theories, because I really, really want you to get just what you asked for. (Or, as expressed by H.L. Mencken: “Democracy is the theory that…

New Liz surprises with bold move — The entire world that lives in London, SW7, is in shock after it was announced yesterday that Queen Elizabeth II had finally kicked the gold-plated bucket at the ripe old age of ninety-six. The shy girl of German ancestry who bravely sacrificed her personal life in exchange for being the…

With a startling and cynical manoeuvre that has left the Democratic congress in tatters, Kyrsten Sinema — miffed when Chuck Schumer advised her, via text: “No third-act redemption for YOU, Little Miss Stonewall, I’m gonna play with the cool kids from now on! Nyaaaaah!” …

You know what’s even worse? We wanted her to. — We’ve learned a lot during the over-not-over pandemic-race-riot all-in-one Fellini-carnival-with-bearded-lady slow-motion catastrophe we’ve struggled through over the past, how long has it been? Somewhere between forever and a lifetime, I estimate. We’ve learned that Republicans, and conservatives generally, are the lizard people everyone’s been threatening us with, the scaly scaries…

PLUS: #MondayManCrush: Adam Kinzinger — So much has happened since we last spoke! Right? Democracy in the US has mounted its wild stallion and is galloping towards the funeral pyre with an enthusiasm that even Brunnhilde couldn’t muster. To-yo-to-HO! Turns out that, according to the mountains of hard evidence amassed by the January 6th Committee…