Battle Hymn of the New Republic
the times, they are a-changin’…
I hate those PC lefties
Our freedom is destroyed
By forcing that inclusive word
Disgruntled white guys feel absurd
What’s wrong with good ol’ fashioned names
Our ancestors deployed?
CHORUS:
My daddy is a redneck,
My mother is a hag
My sister, she’s a cripple and
Her first-born is a fag
It’s tragic how the world has turned
And if some snowflake’s feeling burned
Well, they can take a hike!
{this would be a great spot for a guitar riff ! OK, shush. I get it! — DR}
I hate those SJW’s
Our freedom is destroyed
For bleedings hearts I feel disdain
Who says old white guys feel no pain?!
What’s wrong with social justice
Like our moms and dads enjoyed?!
CHORUS:
My daddy died by lynchin’
My mom died givin’ birth
My sister, she’s a junkie
Devoid of human worth
It’s justice, if you’re askin’ me,
If all them queers got HIV!
You lump it or you like!
{some nice chewin’ tobacco, maybe, just make sure you spit it out. OK. Sorry to interrupt. My bad!! — DR}
I hate them racial theories
They’s teachin’ in the schools
They make whites feel all guilty
For just followin’ the rules
I’ll have you know I’m color-blind
Don’t even see you’re Black
Of course we let you ride the bus
The transit’s meant for all of us
(Just please sit at the back!)
CHORUS:
My daddy drives yer limousine
My mother cooks yer food
My sister, she’s a lezzie
Which accounts for her bad mood
Let’s stop with all the bickerin’
And get on with the n*****in’ —
Just drop the attitude!
{Seriously! I mean all white people want is a little respect, right? Right on! Sorry, don’t mean to put you off your game or anything! I’ll stop interrupting now, I promise! OK! Sorry! LOL!! — DR}
Don’t push your Astro-Zeneca
This Covid’s just a cold!
Them shots got microchips inside
If horse pills were why Grandma died, well
She was awesome old!
Those Fauci lies are all Deep State
Sweet Jesus will decide our fate
As QAnon foretold!
CHORUS:
My daddy runs a fever
My mother’s got a cough
My sister, she’s a welfare queen
Just feedin’ at the trough
The Constitution still holds sway,
Live free or die, that’s what I say —
If necessary, both!
{I mean, cattle dewormer is the obvious choice for anyone worried about unapproved vaccines! Right? Granny put her faith in Jesus, and look what it got her! Well, dead as a rattlesnake, but worm-free, hallelujah! Sorry to interrupt yet again. Jeezus! Oops, and taking the Lord’s name in vain. WRIST-SLAP!! OK! You guys rock!! OMFG!! LOL!!!— DR}
I hate them culture Marxists
They got way too much clout
They highjack universities
To normalize perversities
Then switch their sex from “he’s” to “she’s”!
Now what’s that all about?
CHORUS:
My daddy is post-structuralist
My mom, Derrida’s whore
My sister, she’s been pussy-whipped by
Simone de Beauvoir
What’s wrong with things the way they were?
That’s sure as hell what I prefer!
That Liberal “polite”-buro
Will never Trump my status quo
Just gimme back my liberty
Restore my all-white history
And put the focus back on ME —
— Then go and take a hike!
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{Great job, guys! Now go kill yourselves. Thanks. Can I help with the spitoon? Oh, never mind. — DR}
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Originally published at https://slowpainful.com on November 14, 2024.
