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Ministress of Silky Sheen
PLUS: where the fuck is Kamala Oojamacallit?
CANADIAN FINANCE MINISTER, Deputy Prime Minister in a pinch, something to do with Alberta for a couple of days but it didn’t work out, Justin Trudeau’s Official BFF Next to Sophie-Grégoire, and Dry-Cleaning Picker-Upper without portfolio Chrystia Freeland delivered her budget speech on April 19, 2021, after performing her customary pre-speech hair-whip, thereby ending the longest period without a Federal budget since Confederation.
Fortunately for Canadians, the budget had been approved in record time by the doddering, 90-year-old descendent of the German dynasty of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha who lives three thousand miles away in a heavily-guarded mausoleum filled with priceless antiquities, and who, for reasons no one can actually remember, is just kind of randomly in charge of everything.
So, like, Vielen Dank, gnädige Frau! for every little thing you do.
The popular budget includes funds for Indigenous reparations, subject to haggling, though Freeland made it clear that any frills like clean drinking water will just have to wait until the next election.
Also in the budget was Trudeau’s eagerly anticipated “One Litre of Kawartha Lakes Premium Maple Walnut Ice Cream for All Vaccinated Canadians Over Eleven” pandemic benefit, and an optional subscription to…
