My First Hook-up in Ottawa Got a Little Out of Hand

Just another good old Canadian « exposition de merde » !

Hey followers, hangers-on and random stumblers-upon, sorry I’ve been MIA but it’s hard work fending off all the convoy dudes with one hand tied behind my back and a can of Molson in the other.

Yeah, that was all my fault, that snafu in Ottawa. Kind of embarrassing, right?

On the other hand, yay for me!

It all started as a random Wednesday night hook-up with this dude on Grindr — by the way, have you seen that Pornhub ad that goes, “Want to masturbate, but haven’t got a partner?”

WTF? Partner? So you mean to tell me that what I’ve always assumed was meant to be quality one-on-one time with the baloney pony, blissfully free of online app scrolling and Jell-o shooters, now requires someone to spot me and maybe additional back-up on the benches? Jeezus.

I surely must have missed something in Miss Smedley’s Grade Eight sex education class.

I do remember her instructions, which were, “To avoid blindness, pray with your dad right before bedtime, then lie very still while he immobilizes your arms above the sheets with the plastic twist-ties.”