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Queen Elizabeth II Shrinks, Gets Trodden on by Truss
New Liz surprises with bold move
The entire world that lives in London, SW7, is in shock after it was announced yesterday that Queen Elizabeth II had finally kicked the gold-plated bucket at the ripe old age of ninety-six.
The shy girl of German ancestry who bravely sacrificed her personal life in exchange for being the world’s wealthiest woman, the winner of the birth lottery who was unaccountably put in charge of everything before giving her name to a hundred cruise ships, had, during her reign of seventy years, gradually shrunk to almost nothing, only to be accidentally stepped on in her eleventh hour by rookie PM and former anti-monarchist, but who gives a toss as long as you get elected, Liz Truss.
The accident had been a long time coming, but was almost universally seen as inevitable, considering that the mini-monarch had been noticeably shrinking since she assumed the throne in nineteen fifty-three.
At first this was no more than a couple of centimeters per year, which her doctors attributed to her heavy schedule attending African banquets, which tend to be dehydrating, or evenings at the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden, during which the weight of precious stones covering her evening dress gradually compressed her spine.
