Ten reasons it’s great to be Canadian

just off the top of my head, currently covered with a tuque

JULY 1st IS CANADA* DAY. So I took a break from my usual morning task of rendering seal blubber in my igloo to count the ways it’s great to be a Canuck. It’s not an exhaustive list.

I’m sure there’s at least eleven.

(*Note to Americans: Canada is one of those “other countries” that you first learn about at Harvard. If you need to get your bearings, just think “Up there. Snow. Mounties. Cold. Justin.” Confusion, dizziness and sobbing are normal. You’re going to be fine.)

One:
You get to say “beaver” in mixed company.

Two:
You don’t have to worry about your leader messing up and embarrassing you in full view of the entire world, because Justin doesn’t really do anything, and if he does mess up, at least he’s a feminist and anyway helloooo!? Trudeau, OK?

Three:
The heavy ankle shackles and full-body chains of socialism help you stay trim and meet your “Canada Moves!” fitness goals when you drag their extra weight along the sidewalk day in and day out.

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