Totally with you on canning the negative self-talk. Noticing the negative self-talk — what Transactional Analysis calls the “Pig Parent” — might lead you to, “I should see a counselor about my low self-esteem.” I think you should pay attention to those thoughts, rather than attempt to push them aside.

Totally with you on life situations you can’t change. Whether they love you, what your boss thinks about you (I can tell you what your boss is thinking about you: Are you productive, are you contributing to the bottom line, are you a team player? If you’re wondering what your boss thinks about you, I’m willing to bet you’re feeling guilt about your performance and know deep down it’s not up to par); what’s going to happen, why did they do that? Any kind of speculation.

I like your advice about noticing the natural world and regaining a sense of wonder about life. You might express this as “go for a walk!” I’ve met very few “problems” that haven’t been eased by the bigger perspective I’ve been given by getting out of the house for a walk or a bike ride.

It’s during those forays that you remember: The world is a helluva lot bigger than me and my problems… and that’s a very good thing.

Meditation helps, but for a counter-intuitive reason, and this is where I differ about the solution. Zen meditation tells you to “just sit.” While you just sit, you notice your mind, how it leaps about, how self-centered it is. And the lesson is just sit in the middle of your anger, confusion, sadness, agitation. The goal is not to control or to get more calm. It’s just to sit and realize that’s the nature of the mind.

Any attempt to control the mind is ultimately bound to fail. By accepting the nature of mind, you can transcend its nature. Get out of your head.

Or as my 12-step mentor once expressed it: “Of course you feel bad — you’re totally self-centered! Get out and help someone!” It was good advice.