Trump! Jokes?!
You’ll be the life of your next mandatory “Praise to the Supreme Leader for all eternity Official Gathering” when you master these howlers! Knee-slapping and choking on your rum punch optional! (But recommended — you never know who that “new neighbour” might be reporting to…)
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Trump.
Trump who?
Seriously?! It’s me, Donald Trump, asshole! Listen, sweetheart, do you know how well liked I am? I’m YUGE!!!
~
2.
Donald Trump walks into a bar, where he sees a rabbi, an imam and a priest having a talk with some illegal Mexican immigrants.
Hi guys, he says. Let’s make America great again!
Then he gives a signal and suddenly — the imam and all the Mexicans are being herded into a black van with bags over their heads!!!
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3.
Donald Trump — stop me if you heard this before — orders a hooker through an online website. When she arrives at Trump Tower, she’s everything he hoped for: Tall, leggy, blond hair, perfect tits the size of basketballs and a keister you could really sink your teeth into.
So he fucks her, pays her fee plus a big tip — then activates the nuclear codes!!!
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4.
A little old lady is walking her toy poodle down Fifth Avenue in New York. Suddenly she sees Donald Trump coming out of a condo.
“Hey, Donald Trump!” she calls out. “You cocksucker! Gimme my money back!”
Then she hurls the dog at his face. “Eat poodle shit!” she screams.
So Trump takes out his Glock, and — still with the dog on his face, right? — starts like, randomly shooting!!!
(I know, seriously! Oh, man, I wish you coulda seen it! Went for a couple beers after.)
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5.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Trump.
Trump who?
Are you fucking kidding me??!! Listen, wiseguy, all the chicks on The Apprentice came on to me. All of them! Sooner or later, I mean, you gotta expect that, right? How much you wanna bet I’m gonna wipe that smile right off your face?
~
6.
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are lying in bed together having a post-coital cigarette. Donald’s sulking.
“If you can’t satisfy me, what makes you think you can satisfy America?” says Hillary. Then she takes pity on him. “Baby, I’m sorry I said that about, you know. Melania. That was insensitive.”
Two weeks later, Clinton’s dismembered body is discovered when a couple of kids stumble upon a large Louis Vuitton trunk that’s been dumped near the Bethesda Fountain in Central Park.
“I told them to hack her,” says Trump when informed of the discovery.
“Those crazy Russians musta taken me literally!!!
~
There really is nothing remotely funny about Donald Trump.
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